I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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