So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
