Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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