Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
