I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize