i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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