My balls are so social today.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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