i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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