My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
