Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
