Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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