This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
