who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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