we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
