I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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