Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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