"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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