idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
