I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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