I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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