You're so nebulous sometimes
i would punch a child for taco bell
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
