Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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