I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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