New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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