Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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