sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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