I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
