I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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