im about as happy as oj after his trial
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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