i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
