Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
