I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
