I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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