Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
