someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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