my phone needs a breathalizer
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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