my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Your penis caused this!
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