You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
