Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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