I'm gonna have a badass scar
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
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I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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