omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
