if only i could text you this smell
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
