R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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