I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
