It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
