cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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