This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
