My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
