I hate all girls vehemently.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
