I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
