if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
