It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
