Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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