Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
