you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
