Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So much Jack, so little girl.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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