so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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