I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
