have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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