He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
