If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You work out of a Hotel?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
