dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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