just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
