Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
