my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
