I could have mohawked her pubes.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
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Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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