you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
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Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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