is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
