As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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