I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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