so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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