I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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