I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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